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Translink Break Space/Time Continium
This is shocking news that I feel ought to be revealed by New Scientist let alone BloggyBlog.co.uk, but it has come to my attentinon that local Northern Irish transport company, Translink, have finally been able to warp time to suit their needs - people, I keep you not!
Whilst sitting at a bus stop wondering what time the next bus will come at, I seen this:
The Picture has of course been increased in size for you to get the full benefit! So, after the 12:08 service, the 20A bus will next be arriving at 37:08, 38:08, 39:08, 40:45, 41:15, 41:45.
So either some guy was having a laugh and decided to do time in a completely different fashion (e.g. 37:08 = 37-24:08 = 13:08 = 1:08 - which incidentally would continue in the same pattern as the prior bus would arrive at 12:08!!)…oh, well, since I’ve worked out what has happened there isn’t much point in continuing this and it looks like they haven’t broken the time dimension.
Yet.
IKEA
I’m just back from a trip to IKEA in Belfast, Northern Ireland. I’m not entirely sure what to think of it. Quite obviously, I’ve thought enough about it to want to make a blog post. But, I’m not going to rant and rave about how it isn’t that cheap or the furniture is poor quality or indeed that you have to build things yourself.
No, not at all! In fact, what I’m going to make is an observation just.
IKEA is full of pregnant women.
There. I said it. It really is though, I went today for two hours and the amount of bumps walking about the place was insane. Obviously, the link is that people are setting up home and with a wee-un on the way, they’ll be looking for bedrooms, updating this, childproofing that etc. but it’s just slightly funny to see all these soon-to-be mummy’s and daddy’s walking about the place.
Mental note, I will never go to IKEA again 
Fat men’s trousers
Probably the most inexplicably silly blog post title I’ve ever made but I was wondering about this today when no doubt I ought to have been doing something more important.
Why do fat men have the stigmata of wearing trousers that fall down on them constantly. Does this stereotypical view come from the idea that a fat guy is buying trousers that are about three sizes too big for him? Why would he do that? Surely he’d struggle to get trousers that actually fit him in the first place.
If anything, I reckon that fat guys trousers are probably too tight on them completely reducing the prospect of them actually falling down.
“But what if the button pops on those slacks?” I hear a small portion of the 4-10 people who read this blog. Well, worry not, for I have an answer. Hypothetical situation. Fat Larry is wearing tight trousers, oh no, the button pops and flies across the room hitting a sixteen year old on their work experience. Is Larry now suffering the embarrassment of his white boxer shorts (with the obligatory red hearts across them) being shown to the room? No. Why? Simply, because the trousers will probably hold their own, given that they are the correct size for Larry, or indeed, too tight for him. In which case, they’ll probably hold their own.
Why must this myth persist? If anything, skinny people’s trousers ought to be falling down more!
More so, if a fat guy’s trousers are falling down then I think we ought to give the guy respect, it’s probably a good indication that they’ve lost weight.
Bond, James Bond
I’ve often wondered what life would be like if your given name really was James Bond. Obviously, before the 1960s this really wouldn’t have been a problem, but let’s say that a James Bond exists (which probability suggests is quite likely), what quality of life would you expect?
Let’s imagine your name is Bond and you’re phoning up to get a credit card or place an order.
“What’s your name, mate?”
“It’s Bond, James Bond.”
“Yeah, pull the other one.”
It’s a naturally instinct sometimes to give our surnames before our forenames. I do it when booking a taxi, for example, or things like that. It must be pretty difficult to be taken seriously for things like that.
This, however, was not the original intention of this blog post. I’ve been watching some excellent James Bond flicks and have finally decided upon the answer to question that everyone asks. Who is the best James Bond. Well, worry no more, because I have answered that question for you.
In order of the least (in my opinion) best James Bond, I present to you the Top Six Bond’s.
Number Six: Roger Moore
Bless Roger, he has such charisma and can deliver the one liners with such panache. What he has in charm and innuendo, he clearly lacks in action and gusto. If I placed Roger Moore in a darker Bond film, like Casino Royale or Licence to Kill, I just can’t see it working. I’d be expecting him to mow down a line of bad guys in a fit of rage only to come out with a hilarious quip afterwards making the ferocity of the previous action null and indeed void.
Number Five: George Lazenby
My apologies to Mr. Lazenby for coming in at fifth, though I think you will find he is often at the bottom of the list of ‘best Bonds’. Unfortunately, we only got to see him in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, which despite being a thrilling Bond adventure, isn’t a great platform for Mr. Lazenby to wow. Still, could have a good Bond had he been given a better run.
Number Four: Pierce Brosnan
Obviously, at this stage, you’ll deduce that Timothy Dalton has yet to make the list. Brosnan was supposed to be Roger Moore’s successor as James Bond and do the films that Dalton made his own (The Living Daylights and License to Kill). Alas, due to Brosnan’s filming schedule with a TV show, this was not to be. A blessing in disguise. Very much Roger Moore-esque, Brosnan has the charm and charisma in unbelievable amounts. He is better at the silly action than Moore but lacks the nitty gritty ability to become a cold hearted killer. Not a bad outing as Bond though for Mr. Brosnan who we will surely all forgive for Mamma Mia, right?
Number Three: Daniel Craig
This was a difficult choice for me. The first time I saw Casino Royale, I did not think Craig performed well as Bond. However, as I emerged myself more in the world of James Bond, I realised that this is exactly how Bond was as a younger agent - some these traits even lend themselves to later events in Bond’s life. Craig is suave, not as handsome perhaps as Bros..all the over Bonds…but he has the ability to be suave, charismatic and a cold hearted assassin. With only one crack at the shell of James Bond under his belt, Craig has brought the dark side of Bond to the screen and I am thankful for that. I anticipate his performance in Quantum of Solace.
Number Two: Sean Connery
Need I actually say any more about Sean Connery? He was the first cinematic Bond and therefore has got to be one of the better. Thankfully for Connery, it is more than nostalgia that ranks him quite highly in my books (which, of course, I am sure Sean Connery is ever so grateful for). He again is excellent at the charismatic Bond or whipping out his innuendos. That being said, he is also is capable of going on a mean killing streak and not ending it with some witty quip.
Number One: Timothy Dalton
Amongst Bond aficionados, this decision will probably not go down well. Hopefully though, Bond aficionados will not be reading this article. I’m not 100% sure how to describe Dalton’s performances as Bond. I think he has got the charisma and charm of Roger Moore, the dark angry streaks of Daniel Craig and the handsome rugged looks of Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan. More importantly, I recall Dalton being the only Bond to wear a knitted sweater, which would of course lure you into a false sense of security. Beware.
Important News
Well, today has been a seemingly slow news day, if you were to go by what the People want to see. Before I sound all preachy and pretentious here, let me first of all say I haven’t really watched the news either today so consider this a non-critical comment, just something I’ve noticed. Let’s, for the sake of argument, assume that what I’m going to talk about is a middle-aged woman getting changed in front of her window and I’m a prepubescent boy with a new telescope for my birthday.
As we can see, more of the ‘lighter’ or ‘whimsical’ news stories are the ones most distributed. The most read category and identical set of stories (at time of writing, not this post but this sentence, which is 10:44pm GMT). So essentially, the hottest news today is that a fat lamb likes to lie on a sofa, a gay bishop was heckled, twat ‘Banksy’ may be revealed but we’ll never know as he’s never going to come out, much to the disappointment of the gay bishop, a referee was drunk and you’re not allowed to pop your clogs in the freezing cold.
In reality, some of today’s proper news stories:
There’s quite a lot of news going on there, enough to keep BBC News 24 presenters actually doing something other than showing live pictures of something only somewhat slightly relevant to whatever news story they were covering. So, let’s see, we’ve got a prisoner exchange between Israel and Hezbollah, that must be a good milestone, Pakistani soldiers being killed by militants, that’s important news, stabbings in festivals and a victim of knife crime being named.
All in all, quite a filled sandwich of news. Again, not that I’m suggested we all ought to be tuned into the news 24 hours a day and keep abreast of what’s happening. I’ll be honest, I don’t give a hoot about 99% of the stories above anyway.
But is it possible that people tune into the news just for those ‘And finally…’ moments where a cat got stuck up a tree and the fire engine sent to rescue it got stuck down a well on it’s way there? Why not make two versions of the news, The Serious News and The Silly News? I wonder what will get more ratings. Hmmmm.
Contextual Merchandising Not Always Good
The way the internet is moving with regards to advertising is putting a lot of emphasis on contextual merchandising. The basics of this is that you will get adverts on your web page that is related to what you are currently viewing - Google AdSense is the biggest example of this and it has helped wannabe Internet Entrepreneurs make a fair few bob since it’s inception.
That being said, is it really always a good idea. A few months ago (January 2008 actually) I was randomly browsing the Internet and on Yahoo’s news I noticed that a boy was shot dead in a McDonald’s restaurant in Brixton. Nothing really startling there, given today’s ‘day and age’ (God, I sound so old). Then, whilst perusing the adverts I notice a huge big McDonald’s advertisement offering me a Big Tasty at McDonald’s. A kid just got shot in McDonald’s but upon hearing that news all I oughta be thinking about is, “Hmm, you know what, a big tasty sure does sound great, thanks to that lad in Brixton, I now want to go to McDonald’s.”
It’s utter nonsense. I think it’s somewhat tasteless (and that’s just the burgers…boom boom) to have contextual merchandising picking up feeds from news stories. I mean, on Sky News I noticed an article about how it’s so awful to bit fat, coupled with ‘OMG LOSE WEIGHT NOW!’ style adverts. That surely isn’t right.
I’ll be keeping an eye out now for when contextual merchandising goes wrong. I have only got a screencap of the Yahoo incident:
Apologies for the quality of the screencap but you get the picture.
If you find any examples while trawling the web, let me know, email me a screenshot to neill@bloggyblog.co.uk or post a link in the comments.
Have a good day!
Amy Winehouse
So it would seem that a British woman has been arrested for smuggling 1 kilo of cocaine that was hidden under her wig.
I´m not to be telling the police how to do their job but hasn´t anyone else noticed in the light of the above news article that Amy Winhouse´s hair is growing taller exponentially with how much she is falling of the rails? Somebody take a peak in there and there you have it, her life and musical career back on tract. On second thoughts….
